TOADTalk: Life Lessons from Five Strong Women
"[T]here are times when we need to shut up and listen, and there are times when we must speak up rather than remain silent and look to others for their cues. The difference between these two things is everything," shared Ali Rahman in his TOADTalk this week.
Monday morning’s All-School Assembly launches with the Teacher On Active Duty (TOAD) sharing something of interest. In this way, every week, the community gets to know one of our own a little better. Ali Rahman, whose TOADTalk is featured below, is a Fischer Fellow who joined the Thacher faculty this year. He teaches history and English and coaches girls’ JV tennis and boys’ JV basketball. Mr. Rahman is also the advisor for The Notes, the school paper.
I became a teacher right after I graduated from college, and maybe even a little before that if you count all the tutoring jobs I had. I became a teacher because I thought I had some unique insights that would help others and push forward good—and I think of teaching and education in general to what Angela Davis says about activism, that it makes you, “consider yourself not as a single individual who may have achieved whatever but to be a part of an ongoing historical movement.”
And while it’s true I did and still do have a lot to offer in terms of my perspective and understanding the world… that’s also a really arrogant way to think. And so today I’m going to talk about how teaching for me, and being a teacher, has really been about learning.
As cliche as it might sound, when I think of the various places I’ve been and students I’ve taught (refugees, Middle Eastern kids, young prisoners, first generation students, black and brown and white kids from all sorts of socio-economic backgrounds), my teaching has really been about learning… and it all comes down to those people I’ve been around, both in the classroom and outside of it… and while there are too many to count, that I can credit as having helped me along my educational and life journey, I’m going to highlight five in particular, five women in fact.
First, my mother. My mother had a very hard life. It’s the kind of story that should be made into a big tear-inducing Oscar nominated drama. I won’t go into details for the sake of time, but essentially my mother’s life was upended, controlled, and belittled by various men. And yet, she wasn’t a defeated person. She was one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. She was one of the warmest, kindest, sweetest, most maternal, but also fiercest women I’ve ever met in my life. And from her, I would like to think I inherited as much of that as possible.
My sister, much like my mother is incredibly fierce. She can be scary; all my life I was most afraid of making her mad over anyone else in the household. She’s a doctor, a really good one at that, who I’ve seen in action, and the care and time she gives her patients is unlike anything I’ve seen outside an episode of like Grey’s Anatomy or something. She’s also a great mom, raising four kids who are equally incredibly confident and sweet, and above all else, my sister is unapologetic for her bulldozer personality, and I love that.
My two oldest nieces, currently 16 and 12-years-old, are like fascinating little amalgams of my sister, brother-in-law, with influences from the rest of their crazy family. When I was younger and struggling to figure out what to do with myself and my life, I spent a lot of time with them. In fact, I was their nanny along with my nephew who was an infant, for a while, and during that time period I remember hearing these two girls give me so much insight into my own life questions…I swear this is true. I feel like it’s often times the basic things we learn when we are little that are the truest in life, being kind and polite to others, respecting other people and their bodies… we just tend to forget them or get cynical as we grow older.
And of course, my amazing wife. From our friendship that started over a decade ago, to dating and marriage and parenthood, my wife has taught me so much. Perhaps most importantly, her intense and relentless intelligence, compassion, and sense of justice have led to all of the successes in my life. She has taught me that there are times when we need to shut up and listen, and there are times when we must speak up rather than remain silent and look to others for their cues. The difference between these two things is everything… because most people do the opposite… they talk when they should listen and they remain silent when their voice is most needed. My wife has given me the strength and courage to do both.
So I want to leave you with a final thought about education and why I chose to highlight these women in my life. The famous Indian computational genius and writer Shakuntala Devi said "Education is not just about going to school and getting a degree. It's about widening your knowledge and absorbing the truth about life.” And her words, while deceptively simple, are vital to learning anything. I know, I know this is easier said than done… but don’t worry about your grades or degrees or which college you are going to, whatever internship or whatever is going to give you that prestigious stamp of approval so you can enter the upper echelons of society… instead look at those around who are different and have had different experiences from you and listen and engage. Travel, and seek out others who have had different experiences than you. It can truly be as simple as turning to someone of a different race, religion, gender, sexual identity, etc. and just listening rather than talking or waiting your turn to talk… just make sure to speak up when the time is right and the moment calls for it. The difference is everything.
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