TOADTalk: Words To Live By
Mr. Yates enumerates the rules Black boys and men must follow as they venture out.
Each week, an All-School Assembly launches with the Teacher On Active Duty (TOAD) sharing something of interest—a reflection, a story or song, a demonstration of some sort, or a simple poem. In this way, the community gets to know one of our own a little better. Recently, our TOAD was A.J. Yates. A senior associate director of admission and co-director of multicultural outreach, Mr. Yates is head coach for the Girls’ Varsity Soccer team and advises junior boys in Upper School. He is also a faculty advisor to the Black Student Union and parent of two Toads, Sydney CdeP 2019 and Jordan '23..
Mr. Yates began his TOADTalk by speaking of his love for coaching and his connection to some of the athletes he has coached over the years. He followed that with a story of a “driving while Black” incident with police in Suffield, Connecticut, while on a shopping trip with four of those students. But that was a precursor to what he really wanted to share: rules that Black boys in American must live by.
- Black boys and men should not walk too quickly or run because that suggests they've done something wrong. They also should not walk too slowly because that suggests they must be looking for trouble.
- Young Black men should not put their hands in their pockets but should instead always keep their hands where others can see them. They should also avoid gesticulating, because others might misinterpret their gestures as aggressiveness.
- Black boys and men should wear business attire at all times because casual clothes—especially hoodies—suggest they're up to no good.
- Black youth should never hang out with more than three friends at one time, because large groups are likely to be mistaken for a gang. They should also be careful about walking alone—young men hanging out by themselves, like Trayvon Martin, are suspicious.
- When shopping, whether at a grocery store or a department store, young Black men should check out quickly in order to avoid suspicion. But they should not check out too quickly, because that means they've pocketed merchandise on their way out.
- Young Black men should never make eye contact with others because it is threatening; they should never avert their eyes because that looks furtive.
- Black men must be careful about walking, driving, or flying while Black, especially in neighborhoods or in destinations where there are typically not a lot of Black people. But they should avoid low income neighborhoods, because that is where the police are even more inclined to respond with brutality and arrest.
- And the most important lesson of all to be learned from [Trayvon Martin’s death] is that Black boys and men must be careful about defending themselves because, no matter what happens, they will be seen as the aggressor.
To this list, Mr. Yates added his rules for himself:
- Always drive the speed limit.
- Nothing good happens after 11:00 so be home before then.
- When traveling, do not arrive during nighttime hours—remember nothing good happens at night.
- Do not drive on back roads at night.
To conclude, he asked a rhetorical question: “Do I want to have these rules in my life?” “Not necessarily,” was his response. Then he recited the names of Black men killed by police. “Because of this list, I see it as a necessity for my survival. And I want to give myself the best chance of making it to tomorrow.”
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